Hi there, I'm Mika as you probably know by now. I am writing this book about a brave adventurer in medieval times. If you are interested with what I'm writing, here is the first chapter in my story. Please give me some feedback.
Lightning flashes in the sky and thunder roars louder than the creature that's chasing me. The night is pitch black. I look behind me only to see menacing glowing eyes. The moon is peeking through the clouds. The forest’s fog is thick and wet. I suddenly stop. The ground disappears in front of me to reveal a very long drop down to water. I turn around seeing the white eyes coming closer. My heart is beating like drum. I am going to do the unthinkable. I leap into the dark, it feels like an eternity before I land in the water.
It feels like hours before I slowly open my eyes. I look around, torches are dotted around the room, shelves are full of books. I look out the window and see townspeople pushing wheelbarrows and carrying food. “You're awake.” A young woman says as she approaches me. She has an old green dress with a white apron, her hair is a hazel brown and has bright sky blue eyes. She says “My name is Sarah. What is your name?” “My name is Tarlan.” I croak a reply.
Well Mika you really know how to hook the reader in with concise descriptions of the setting and by keeping the action moving along. I enjoy your use of varied language and adjectives.
ReplyDeleteTwo tips from my point of view: You may want to look at varying the length of your sentences as the story develops. Secondly: Please do not leave it too olong to describe more about your character's background and motivation.
I look forward to the continuation of this story.