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The Ocean Maker! DUN! DUN! DUN!!

Hi, what's this? It's my writing, yesterday we had to write a story based on a video. We only watched the first part of the video, and the rest? We had to make it up the rest. Then after the class wrote their story we watched the rest of the video, it was a lot different to my story (the difference is that I made the story better 😜). Read the story and then give me some feedback. Here's some questions. How can I improve? Is there any mistakes I made? Should I make this story longer or shorter? By the way there is a video you can watch.

“I am hopeless” I said to myself. I turned the plane to only see the abundant ships coated with golden sand and the wood scattered around the desert, rotting and starting to decay.

As I fly the plane longer more rusty ships dotted the desert and more rotting wood surrounded the ships. I am tired, hot and hopeless, I thought to myself. When all hope was gone a light caught my eye. Turned around to only see a lighthouse, it was the only thing standing tall in the lifeless place. Although it’s barely holding itself, somehow the light was still working.

I followed the light and saw what I was looking for days, a cloud. I immediately directed the plane to the cloud, after a few minutes I saw the ocean, Hope was building up. My thirst will end, I will finally re-experienced the feeling of the cool feeling on my skin.

Suddenly I realized I was heading straight into a storm, I tried to turn but it didn’t work, the steering wheel isn’t working. The thick clouds blocked the view of the sea, lightning bolts flashed in front of my eyes, the moisture in the clouds terrorised me with the cold. Everything was happening so fast. Unexpectedly the lightning bolt stabbed the plane.

I was frightened, scared, sick and cold. All my hopes are fading away leaving nothing but fear. I plummeted into the sea sinking down in the deep blue...