Hi Bloggers! Today, I wrote a story in 10 minutes. My teacher picked a topic about a diary written by a shoe... I sometimes wonder how my teachers get these ideas from. Anyway, I can write 150 words in 10 minutes. Yah, it might be slow but at least I do maths quickly. Here is the story that I wrote in 10 minutes.
Hi Diary, you won’t believe what my owner just did. He lost me! Like I was just some sort of rubbish! Why did it have to be me?! He didn’t loose left! Just me! And guess what!? It was raining last night! So I was cold and wet! And a wet stinking dog bit me and threw me around like I was his toy! I was 100 dollars! Well, actually 50 because I wasn’t with the other shoe but still! Oh don’t worry, my owner found me. At like 7 pm! Come on! It’s like he doesn’t care about me! Why can’t I be his sister’s shoes? She always neatly put them away, never loses them and if she gets her shoes wet which she rarely does! She would wash them, with soap! I need a rest! Bye Diary! (Slams it shut)
Hi Diary, you know how I said yesterday how I want to be his sister’s shoes? Well, he gave us to his sister! I’m so excited! She’s amazing! It’s like I’m in a five-star hotel! It’s just amazing. Pure amazing. Sorry, I have to close this short but my new owner is going to use me soon. Bye. (Gently closes diary)
Hey Mika!
ReplyDeleteFunny story! I like the idea of a shoes diary. I think that the way you set it up was really cleaver. (and don't worry, 150 words in ten minutes is great!) Instead of using just Question marks and exclamation points to show emotion try using other punctuation. Because if you just use one or two pieces of punctuation to show emotion it tends to get boring and your character losses feeling to the reader. like this:
Yours: Hi Diary, you won’t believe what my owner just did. He lost me! Like I was just some sort of rubbish! Why did it have to be me?! He didn’t loose left! Just me! And guess what!? It was raining last night! So I was cold and wet!
My Example: Diary! You won't believe what owner just did... He lost me! Lost me, like I was just some sort of rubbish. Why did it have to be me?! He didn't lose left, just me. And guess what? It was raining last night, yep, raining; So I was COLD and WET!
Do you notice the difference? Also what I find helps is word structure, if your finding punctuation hard just move the words around on the page to help add emphasis on certain things.
Yours: I was 100 dollars! Well, actually 50 because I wasn’t with the other shoe but still! Oh don’t worry, my owner found me. At like 7 pm!
My Example: I was 100 dollars!
Well, 50 since I wasnt with Left
But still!
Oh, and you don't need to worry. Because owner found me.
At like 7pm!
Do you see how it adds so much more emphasis of certain words?
Great post!
From Hannah
Hi Hannah,
DeleteThanks for the feedback, I'll start using capital letters now in my wrting like THIS. How is it in the UK? I'm hoping that I will go to Japan soon. I know that if I do go, I would first go and see my other side of my family. What's the best part of visiting the UK?
From Mika
Hey Mika!
DeleteGoing Japain would be cool! I loved visiting London and Venise. What are you most excited about with going to Japan?
Thanks!
From Hannah
Hello Mika it's me Alex from Waikowhai Primary School in Hauraki I liked your writing about a shoe. It reminded me of when I wrote about a jandal a long time a go do it was nowhere near as good and descriptive as yours.If you would like to check out my blog here is a link http://wpsalexanderw.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteHi Alex,
Deletethanks for commenting on my blog, I will look at your blog soon. My favourite book is The Crown of Three. It's about some triplets defeating the cursed king. It isn't as straight forward as that but I do recommend it. What's your favourite book? And why?
From Mika
Hi again Mika. Great imagination with this one. I threw away some shoes yesterday....makes me feel guilty.
ReplyDelete